


The Disastrous Life of Sohma K.

by Geoduck



Category: Fruits Basket, 斉木楠雄のΨ難 | Saiki Kusuo no Sai-nan | The Disastrous Life of Saiki K.
Genre: Gen, Humor, Metafiction, One Shot, Self-Aware main character, Short One Shot, Voice Actor gag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:54:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28964940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geoduck/pseuds/Geoduck
Summary: The face in the mirror was that of a boy, around my age, a bit taller, but with orange hair. The face triggered a memory. I’d definitely seen it before.It seemed that I was in a crossover of some kind.What a pain.
Relationships: Kaidou Shun & Saiki Kusou
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	The Disastrous Life of Sohma K.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kiridork](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiridork/gifts).



_ When I didn’t recognize the room I was sleeping in, I concluded I probably teleported in my sleep. That’s something that’s happened to me before, and it’s always a pain when it does. _

_ But it was the moment that I realized I couldn’t hear anyone’s thought was when I knew something odd was going on. I first checked if I had left the germanium ring on--no, my finger was bare. And it wasn’t just telepathy. Clairvoyance, thoughtography, levitation, teleportation--nothing was working. It’s like my powers went away. Which is something I hope for all the time, but the fact that it happened in a situation when I didn’t know where I was made me a little unsettled. _

_ I reached up to feel if my control devices were still there. They were not. And my hair felt unusual. When I brought my hand back down, I saw beads on my wrist that I had never seen before. Also, my hand didn’t look like the hand I was used to. _

_ I looked around for a mirror, but there wasn’t one in the room. I was going to have to get up and venture out to figure what was going on. _

_ I opened the door and saw a hallway with a staircase going down on one end, and a veranda on the other, with two doors on sides of the hall. I went out into the hall, and cracked the doors open in turn. Neither of them was a bathroom, so I headed downstairs. I found a door that looked like it might be a bathroom, and it was. It was unoccupied, so I turned on the light and went inside. _

_ The face in the mirror was that of a boy, around my age, a bit taller, but with orange hair. The face triggered a memory. I’d definitely seen it before. _

_ It took me a few seconds to figure it out:  _ Fruits Basket.  _ Now I don’t read that much shoujo manga normally, but  _ Fruits Basket _ is a classic of the genre, and I can enjoy the classics on occasion. The advantage of reading a classic manga is that it’s not on everybody’s mind, so it’s easier to avoid spoilers than in the latest  _ Jump.

_ So, it seems that I am in a crossover of some kind. It’s not the first time it’s happened to me. There was the giant octopus teacher, and the place with the food battles, and the time I had a power that was obviously borrowed from the series about the superhero school. But all of those titles were published in  _ Jump.  _ Not only is  _ Fruits Basket  _ a different genre and a different magazine, it’s even a different publisher. _

_ Now, I know that  _ Fruits Basket _ does have a new anime, so this could be some sort of unusual cross-promotion.  _

_ From the back of my mind, I remembered hearing somewhere that the voice actor that voices me in the English dubbed version of the  _ Disastrous Life of Saiki K  _ anime also voices this  _ Fruits Basket _ character. Gerry Gem, or something. _

_ I couldn’t remember if there were any other cast members both series had in common. I feel like there had to be at least one... _

“OH MY GOD? WHERE AM I… DID DARK REUNION…”

_ Oh, good grief. _

_ Yes, the same Japanese voice actor plays both Kaidou in my series and the main male character of  _ Fruits Basket. _ So of course he’s in a new body, too. _

_ I don’t think he woke anybody up, if there is anyone else in this house at the moment. _

I slid the door open. “Who… who are you? Where am I? Did Dark Reunion…”

_ I would prefer him to not know it’s me in this body. I’ll need to handle this carefully. ‘Jet Black Wing.’ _

“Jet Black… You know who I am?” He cleared his throat and tried to convey a cool attitude. “Who are you? Are you from Dark Reunion?”

_ ‘My name is Kyo Sohma.’ What’s a cover story that he’ll believe? ‘This is a safehouse.’ _

“A safehouse? Then, am I in danger?”

_ ‘Yes. You are in hiding from Dark Reunion’s spies. That’s why you transported yourself here and assumed a different physical form.’ That should satisfy him. _

“Of course I did! I was just about to say so.”  _ Obviously a complete lie, but fine. _

“I wish… I really wish Saiki were here. When he’s around, it always feels like everything’s going to be okay.” He laughed sheepishly. “Oh, you probably don’t know who I’m talking about. He’s one of my comrades-in-arms in the fight against Dark Reunion.”

_ I am not your comrade-in-arms. _

“He’s one of my most trusted subordinates.”

_ I am not your subordinate. _

“But even if this is a safehouse, we’re still very much in danger. I’m certain that Dark Reunion will attack at any moment.

_ They will not. I already regret going with this bogus explanation.  _

_ ‘The best way to avoid dealing with Dark Reunion would be to hide in this room and remain absolutely quiet.’ Worth a try. _

_ Wait a second. If I don’t have any of my abilities, how am I able to talk to Kaidou in the usual way? _

_ Oh good grief. This isn’t an official story, is it? Even for a gag manga that makes frequent allusions to its author and the magazine it appears in, this is a bit much. In that case,this is probably some sort of fan story. _

_ Then the answer is to conclude the situation as quickly as possible. Given the nature of the manga, this is certain to end the story and return the status quo. The majority of fan stories written about my series are resolved within a single chapter, and usually not more than 2000 words, and this story is nearly halfway to that point already. And given that I’ve figured this out this early in the narrative, it’s likely that the author is impatient to end the story, and they just need to think of a good punchline to end it on. _

“It’s… it’s just that I didn’t think it was possible for something like this to happen. I really wish that Saiki were here, he’d make me feel better.” He wiped his face with a sleeve.

_ The author is going for a moment of heartfelt pathos in a gag situation like this? What a hack. _

_ I put my hand on his shoulder and hold it firmly. ‘If you like down and go back to sleep, I’m sure things will look better when you wake up again.’ I’m just trying to get him to calm down to make the situation easier for me. It’s not because I’m actually concerned about his current state of mind or anything. _

His eyes looked watery. He suddenly clamped his arms around me. “Thank you, Sohma. Sorry, I know you’re not him, but you sound so much like my friend, it feels like he’s here with me.”

_ Hugging is the opposite of what I want. But I can’t just push him away without making the situation awkward. _

“Yuki-kun, I heard a noise and I thought…” We turned around to see a girl in the doorway. She brought a hand up to her mouth. “Oh, Yuki-kun! Kyo-kun! Are the two of you friends now? I’m so happy!”

_ Kyo’s face turned red, which I blame on him rather than myself. All I could think of was ‘I was expecting a better punchline than this.’ _

**Author's Note:**

> This is Saiki Kusuo here. I wanted to remind "Geoduck" of the phrase 'death of the author.'


End file.
